Newcastle United is one of the few football clubs that has successfully imitated a soap opera.
In a city infatuated with, but frequently bored of, the team that represents it, emotions run high. The trophy hunt has been going on for almost 50 years, but things may be about to change now that they have been bought out by Saudi money.
Life under Mike Ashley was bleak, but it wasn’t always that way; in the 1990s and early 2000s, the club competed for Premier League titles and competed in European competitions.
Newcastle has a history of transfer shockers, both as a club that throws caution to the wind in pursuit of success and as an empty shell ready to tick boxes and make a profit.
Here’s our top 10 worst Newcastle United transfer of all time:
Emmanuel Riviere – £6 million from Monaco, 2014
When it comes to Emmanuel Riviere, context is crucial. Ashley’s strategy is quite business-like: she buys low and sells high. Newcastle had found their feet with a market they liked in the summer of 2014, and talent and youth were vital to making that happen. Graham Carr, the Chief Scout, had been charged with finding a replacement striker for Loic Remy, who was departing following a loan stint with Queens Park Rangers.
Riviere had scored 12 goals for Monaco in Ligue 1 with Falcao the previous season, and had joined Newcastle for £6 million. Carr has now revealed Riviere was low on his list.
The 23-year-old was often used as a lone striker, which didn’t work out, but he was never talented enough to replace Remy’s shoes. After scoring just one league goal in 26 games, he was transferred to Metz three years later, after briefly moving to Osasuna.
Xisco – £5.7 million from Deportivo la Coruna, 2008
The purchase of Spanish striker Xisco from Deportivo La Coruna in the summer of 2008 is one of Ashley’s most traumatic memories. It was transfer deadline day, and Kevin Keegan, still fuming over the sale of James Milner to Aston Villa only days before, had been notified by director of football Dennis Wise of a double deal involving Xisco and Uruguayan midfielder Nacho Gonzalez.
Wise recommended that Keegan view them both on YouTube. According to Keegan’s book, these players were ‘parked’ as a favor to agents, and it was enough for the famed former Toon boss to retire for the second time. Xisco scored in his debut, a 2-1 loss to Hull City that was marked by protests, but he did not score again as the club was relegated the following season.
Florian Thauvin – £13 milllion from Marseille, 2015
Another Carr signing failed, but this time for different reasons. Florian Thauvin’s ability was undeniable — Newcastle had been tracking him since his days with Bastia before purchasing him for £13 million from Marseille in 2015 — but he didn’t want to join the club. His debut saw a glimpse of his talent as he scored and assisted in a League Cup tie against Northampton Town, but it never got any better than that.
Newcastle was demoted again at the end of that season. Thauvin returned to Marseille and resurrected his career; his success gained him interest from elite teams such as AC Milan and Tottenham Hotspur, and he was even included to France’s World Cup-winning side in 2018.
Remy Cabella (Montpellier) – £12 million in 2014.
Thauvin served as a stand-in for Remy Cabella in many respects. Another explosive French winger, his £12 million move from Montpellier in 2014 was greeted with real elation. He’d proven he could defeat a guy with Montpellier the previous season, and his form had led to Les Bleus’ participation in the World Cup that summer.
In terms of Ashley’s expenditure, he and Thauvin were both on the high end, but neither displayed their real potential in England. Cabella was never suited to the Premier League due to a lack of upper-body strength. He was loaned to Marseille after scoring one league goal in 31 games before making the move permanent. After that, he went to Saint-Etienne, where he now plays for Krasnodar.
Stephane Guivarc’h – Auxerre, £3.6 million, 1998
There is a recurring trend in this article about French internationals suffering in Newcastle. There were several good French players who made it to the club, but Guivarc’h was not one of them. After the 1998 World Cup, Kenny Dalglish signed Guivarc’h in the hopes of providing competition for Alan Shearer.
He scored on his debut against Liverpool, but only made three more appearances before being transferred to Rangers by Dalglish’s replacement, Ruud Gullit, in November.
Albert Luque (Deportivo La Coruna) – £9.5 million, 2005
Albert Luque arrived to Newcastle as a full-fledged Spain international with a storied career. It was 2005, and he had just helped Deportivo knock the Magpies out of the Intertoto Cup, therefore ending their chances of a European campaign. More notably, he played a significant role in their run to the Winners League semi-finals, scoring in an incredible comeback against defending champions Milan.
Graeme Souness paid £9.5 million for the 27-year-old, but a major injury early on put him back. He missed out on the Premier League’s acclimatization period and transferred to Ajax two years later. However, his game-winning goal in the 4-1 Tyne-Wear Derby victory against Sunderland at the end of his debut season will live on.
Jean-Alain Boumsong – £8 million from Rangers, 2005
When Jean-Alain Boumsong was at Rangers, Newcastle took one look at him and chose not to sign him. Scout Charlie Woods didn’t think much of him and told the new manager when Sir Bobby Robson was fired and Souness was appointed. Woods had also left by January, and Boumsong had arrived.
The 10 worst Newcastle United signings of all time include Luque, Owen, and others.
The Frenchman endured a tumultuous 18 months at Newcastle, unable to acclimatize to the roughness of the English game once more. After being relegated to Serie B as a result of the Calciopoli match-fixing scandal, he departed to assist Juventus in their comeback.
Marcelino – £5 million from Real Mallorca, 1999
One of Gullit’s greatest acquisitions, Marcelino joined from Real Mallorca for £5million in the summer of 1999. His major issue was not so much his ability to perform, but rather his inability to do so; he quickly gained a reputation for injuries that required a long time to heal.
He was well-liked in the locker room, yet his professionalism did not appear to be well-liked by the other players. Before joining Poli Ejido in 2002, Marcelino played 17 league games for Newcastle in three years.
Hoffenheim – Joelinton – £40 million, 2019
Joelinton is the only current Newcastle player on this list, and he is the club’s lowest value signing. Despite the club’s iconic number 9 shirt and a record fee of £40 million in the summer of 2019, he has scored six Premier League goals.
This move is tough to explain; the 24-year-old was highly regarded at Hoffenheim, with Julian Nagelsmann describing him as a ‘beast,’ but he was never the primary striker. That was the job he was brought in to perform at Newcastle, only for Steve Bruce to confess months later that he couldn’t.
The 10 worst Newcastle United signings of all time include Luque, Owen, and others.
The most strange aspect of this story is Ashley’s uncommon eagerness to spend so much money on him. Before leaving when his contract ended weeks earlier, Bruce’s predecessor Rafa Benitez declared he wasn’t worth the money. He’ll undoubtedly feel vindicated.
Real Madrid – £16 million, Michael Owen in 2005.
Despite Joelinton’s failure, Michael Owen will always remain at the top of this list. In the summer of 2005, he was named the third highest-paid player in the Premier League after costing Newcastle £16 million, a club record fee at the time that remained for 14 years. Owen made no secret of his desire to return to Liverpool after a year at Real Madrid, but the Reds were unable to match Newcastle’s offer.
It demonstrates how important vanity had become to Newcastle’s inner workings at the time, yet they needed a replacement for Alan Shearer, who was in his final season before retiring. Owen suited the description and got right to work, but a fractured metatarsal derailed his season and his hopes at the 2006 World Cup in december.
He traveled to Germany nevertheless, tore his cruciate ligament, and never returned to his previous level of performance.
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